


When I am Dead

by PastelKnights



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelKnights/pseuds/PastelKnights
Summary: Neil couldn’t breathe, he could, but he felt as if he were suffocating. His tie was all to tight around his neck, slowly choking him. It’d been a few days since everything had been declared. It’d taken a while, to let everyone who needed to know, know, to make arrangements, buy the coffin, rent out the space and put everything together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the tumblr prompt: The way I said I love you

Neil couldn’t breathe, he could, but he felt as if he were suffocating. His tie was all to tight around his neck, slowly choking him. It’d been a few days since everything had been declared. It’d taken a while, to let everyone who needed to know, know, to make arrangements, buy the coffin, rent out the space and put everything together. 

There had been no tears, Neil wasn’t sure if there was ever going to be tears. After a lifetime of fighting, running from anything and everything, how could he be expected to shed any now. Kevin wouldn’t have wanted that, at least, Neil didn’t think so. 

They had decided against the formal suit and tie for Kevin, instead, using his uniform. Nobody else would wear the number anyways, not after this, Kevin’s name was going up in the exy hall of fame. Neil refused to look back at the coffin behind him, instead, turning his attention over to the man besides him, dressed in all black as well. 

Both Andrew and Neil had lost so many people in their lives, and this was the first time that they’d really lost somebody important to the both them. Neil swallowed around the lump in his throat as the room slowly cleared out, of the former Foxes, Kevin’s teammates, even Wymack. They’d all gotten their chance to say goodbye, whispering words over the coffin, down Kevin. The wake had been short, simple, Kevin wasn’t one for grandeur and neither were Andrew and Neil, so it was over quickly and far too soon, it was just the three of them then. 

There was silence, Neil didn’t know what to say to Andrew. There hadn’t been any discussion between the two of them since the accident, he didn’t know what to say about this, the situation, about what they were going to do with Kevin’s belongings. There had been no will written out, they weren’t old enough to think about that. 

Kevin was too young for this. 

It was Neil’s fault, he’d been driving home from a night out, Andrew and Kevin having drinking that evening, so Neil drove. That night had been a disaster, rain had been pouring from the sky as he drove home, admittedly too fast for it to be safe. 

It was his fault.   
He was the one who’d lost control of the car.   
He was the one who couldn’t save them. 

Kevin Day was dead because of Neil. 

Neil’s heart was pounding in his chest, his throat tightening as he finally turned around, stepping up towards the coffin for the first time, looking down at Kevin. The last time he’d seen Kevin alive, his face had been swollen, bruised and bloody, but now, he looked empty, smooth and fake. 

He didn’t realize the shaking of his hands or the wet tears rolling down his cheeks as everything finally hit him. Kevin Day, exy’s best striker, former Raven, former Fox, Andrew and Neil’s other half, was gone, forever. All because of him. 

Tears fell down onto Kevin’s jersey, wetting it as Neil finally broke down. He couldn’t be gone. Both Neil and Andrew had fought so goddamn hard for this, for Kevin, only for him to be taken away. ‶Fuck, ″ He bit out, forehead resting against the edge of the coffin. ‶Kev, I’m sorry. ″ He whispered, shaking his head. Never before had this hurt so much, not since his mother, but this was different. Everything that Neil had given to Kevin and Andrew was given voluntarily. 

He swallowed thickly, chewing his bottom lip before catching himself. He had to put himself back together. Press would be here soon, and they had to get the casket into the hearse. ‶Okay, okay, fuck,″ He shook his head, swallowing again as he straightened, jaw clenching for a moment. ‶I know, we don’t do emotions like everyone else.″ He was still looking down at Kevin, voice just beginning to waver. ‶I don’t know if what we had was classified as love, but if its as close as we can get it, I’ll take it.″ He paused to look at Andrew momentarily before bringing his attention back. ‶Kev, I miss you.″ 

That evening, when he’s in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling, Andrew over on his side of the bed and Kevin’s side hopelessly cold and empty, is when Neil finally allows himself to say it for the first and last time. ‶I love you, Kevin Day.″


End file.
